Wednesday, February 25, 2009


As a writer, I am constantly developing and expanding. After a friend, whom I love and respect dearly as an artist, read over my blog, she had one critique for me: "I think you need to stop falling in love with people."

My friend went on to tell me that I continually focus on one emotion at a time: sadness, longing, fleeting hope, etc. She said that if I wanted to continue to grow as a writer, that I would have to take the plunge and start focusing on more than one feeling. My initial reaction to this mimicked the proverbial lightbulb going off. Of course I had to focus on more than one feeling. 
Feelings are not singular.
Think about it. Has there ever been a time in your life where you've been sad, and have just been sad. We're constantly complaining about how many emotions our mind swirls through when we're feeling something. Sadness is usually paired with pain and confusion. Happiness goes hand in hand with excitement and jubilance. And while many may say, "Maria Angela, those are just synonyms for one feeling," I'm willing to put money on the fact that no one has ever felt just one singular feeling. 
Even love is so complex. It's the most intricate feeling a human can feel.

And that got me thinking... Why is love so complex? Disney teaches us that love is easy: a man loves a woman, she loves them back, and that instantly equals happily ever after. But it never seems to work that way, does it? There's the initial attraction and lust that always begins a relationship. We test each other, feel each other, kiss each other. Make love to one another. But this doesn't exactly constitute a relationship, does it? Oh no. That decision is a milestone and it seems to make or break everything. Once we decide to begin the long journey that is a relationship is when all the emotions let loose.

There's excitement, pain, longing, worrying, happiness... more emotions than any one person can articulate. And realistically, in our society, it seems like there are only two ends to this turbulent ride: marriage or a break-up. Obviously the latter happens more often. And a break-up ushers in a new batch of emotions, most of them relating to pain. So why do we put ourselves through it? Does the means truly justify the end? Is all of that upset and hurt worth the blissfulness of love?

I believe so. We constantly think that this time will be different, he or she won't hurt me the same way. It's like women who have had children talk about childbirth. If you remembered how painful it was, you'd never do it again. Maybe we were psychologically manufactured to be able to push the pain to the back of our mind in order give it another go around.
Because if we remembered the pain, would we ever allow ourselves to fall in love again?

So until I sift through all of this, I'll continue to write. I'll continue to use my words as a meditation on life and love. But keeping my dear artist friend's words in mind, I'll remember our human nature and lace more feelings into my words. Because my ignoring their presence doesn't make them disappear. 

Maria Angela

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Heavy Walls

"But more than that, no unloving words were ever spoken, and everything was held up as another small piece of proof that it can be this way, it doesn't have to be that way; 

if there is no love in the world, we will make a new world, 

and we will give it heavy walls, and we will furnish it with soft red interiors, from the inside out,

 and give it a knocker that resonates like a diamond falling to a jeweler's felt so that we should never hear it. 

Love me, because love doesn't exist, 

and i have tried everything that does."

- Passage from Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer.
I'm a huge Foer fan.
His way with words has inspired and influenced my own writing.
I'm rereading his novel Everything is Illuminated and I just wanted to share my favorite passage with you.

All photos from here.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Post Secret

I'm a huge fan of PostSecret and I came across this postcard a few weeks ago.
I saved it and thought about sending it to the person it reminded me of.

I decided to post it here instead.

Do you recognize yourself?

Have a lovely weekend.

Maria Angela

Friday, February 13, 2009

Child's Play

I came across this fun little game and decided to share my answers here.
Is there much else to do at 12:30 am on Valentine's Day?

If you could invite 8 people,dead or alive, to a dinner party who would it be and why?

1. William Shakespeare

Because his plays have changed and shaped my life in more ways than I even know.
 Because Romeo and Juliet was the first romance I ever truly believed in as a mature reader.

2. Sandro Botticelli

Because "La Primavera" made me adore Renaissance art.
 Because I spent a half hour sitting in the Botticelli room of the Uffizi in Florence with tears in my eyes.

3. Edie Sedgwick

Because she influenced an entire generation without realizing it.
Because she was effortlessly glamorous.

4. Jonathan Safran Foer

Because his novels will forever influence my writing.
 Because I want to be Oskar Schell.

5. Humphrey Bogar & 6. Lauren Bacall

Because age didn't matter.
 Because theirs was one of the only pure and true Hollywood romances.

7. John Lennon

Because his music changed a generation.
 Because he influenced the country with his art.

8. Rudolph Nureyev

Because watching him and Fonteyn in Romeo and Juliet made me want to start ballet again.
 Because he is one of the greatest dancers of all time.

Now you play.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Dark Passage

I adore Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart at the moment.
Their great Hollywood love has inspired me.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Do Not Leave Me in This Abyss Where I Cannot Find You

I feel sometimes that we are like
Heathcliff and Catherine.
Two lovers whose love is so powerful
yet so tragic.
With heath in my arms
and the sun on your face
you became my
and I your
How innocent
yet profound.
And how quick we are to forget our

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be;
and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to mighty stranger:
I should not seem a part of it... Nelly, 
I am Heathcliff!
He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure,
any more than I am always a pleasure to myself,
but as my own being."