As a writer, I am constantly developing and expanding. After a friend, whom I love and respect dearly as an artist, read over my blog, she had one critique for me: "I think you need to stop falling in love with people."
My friend went on to tell me that I continually focus on one emotion at a time: sadness, longing, fleeting hope, etc. She said that if I wanted to continue to grow as a writer, that I would have to take the plunge and start focusing on more than one feeling. My initial reaction to this mimicked the proverbial lightbulb going off. Of course I had to focus on more than one feeling.
Feelings are not singular.
Think about it. Has there ever been a time in your life where you've been sad, and have just been sad. We're constantly complaining about how many emotions our mind swirls through when we're feeling something. Sadness is usually paired with pain and confusion. Happiness goes hand in hand with excitement and jubilance. And while many may say, "Maria Angela, those are just synonyms for one feeling," I'm willing to put money on the fact that no one has ever felt just one singular feeling.
Even love is so complex. It's the most intricate feeling a human can feel.
And that got me thinking... Why is love so complex? Disney teaches us that love is easy: a man loves a woman, she loves them back, and that instantly equals happily ever after. But it never seems to work that way, does it? There's the initial attraction and lust that always begins a relationship. We test each other, feel each other, kiss each other. Make love to one another. But this doesn't exactly constitute a relationship, does it? Oh no. That decision is a milestone and it seems to make or break everything. Once we decide to begin the long journey that is a relationship is when all the emotions let loose.
There's excitement, pain, longing, worrying, happiness... more emotions than any one person can articulate. And realistically, in our society, it seems like there are only two ends to this turbulent ride: marriage or a break-up. Obviously the latter happens more often. And a break-up ushers in a new batch of emotions, most of them relating to pain. So why do we put ourselves through it? Does the means truly justify the end? Is all of that upset and hurt worth the blissfulness of love?
I believe so. We constantly think that this time will be different, he or she won't hurt me the same way. It's like women who have had children talk about childbirth. If you remembered how painful it was, you'd never do it again. Maybe we were psychologically manufactured to be able to push the pain to the back of our mind in order give it another go around.
Because if we remembered the pain, would we ever allow ourselves to fall in love again?
So until I sift through all of this, I'll continue to write. I'll continue to use my words as a meditation on life and love. But keeping my dear artist friend's words in mind, I'll remember our human nature and lace more feelings into my words. Because my ignoring their presence doesn't make them disappear.
xo
Maria Angela
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